


The Only Place to Start

by flipflop_diva



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Feels, Missing Scene, Natasha Needs a Hug, Secrets, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Natasha share a moment the night before they take down Hydra. And then they share something else. A missing scene from CA:TWS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Only Place to Start

**Author's Note:**

  * For [I_llbedammned](https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_llbedammned/gifts).



> I_llbedammned, I was inspired by your prompts for _exploration of the darker parts of the character's past_ and _a new beginning for someone_ , but then this happened. I hope you enjoy it!

He didn’t expect anyone else to be awake, but there she was, sitting at the table in the room that sort of could be considered a kitchen — after all, it did have a fridge and a microwave — staring off into nothingness.

“Natasha?” Steve said when he entered, but when she didn’t answer, or even seem to notice him, he tried again.

This time she heard him. She turned her head and gave him a half-hearted smile.

“Hey,” she said.

He gestured to her. She had a mug on the table in front of her, but from his vantage point, it looked empty.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Steve sighed. He moved closer to her and pulled out the chair beside her, dropping down into it. “I think after everything we’ve been through together in the past thirty-six hours, you could stop lying to me,” he said.

This time she gave him a real smile, although it still looked sad.

“I always lie,” she said.

“Not always,” he said. “What’s going on?”

She shrugged. 

“You know I’m not going to judge you,” he said. “You can tell me anything.”

She didn’t answer, but he could tell by the way her eyebrows barely furrowed that she was considering it. Finally, she looked up at him, her decision made.

“I’m not sure about tomorrow,” she said. She didn’t elaborate, but he knew exactly what she meant. Taking down SHIELD was huge for all of them. Their life, their identity, their purpose. But releasing everything so the world could see … That had to be harder for her than for anyone else. She had more to hide than they did.

He couldn’t help it. He reached over and placed his hand on top of one of hers, stroking her soft skin with his thumb. She glanced down at their hands for a moment, but then she went on. 

“I’ve lied to so many people about so many things,” she continued. “Sometimes I’m not even sure where the lies end and the truth begins.” 

She shrugged again. “How do I let the whole world see who I really am when I don’t even know if I know?”

“I know who you are,” Steve said.

Natasha’s lip turned up at that. “Nice try, Rogers,” she said.

“I mean it,” he said. He squeezed her hand. “Look, I might not know all the details. I might not know exactly what happened to you before or how you got here or everything you did in the past, but I’ve been working with you for two years. And these past couple days …” He trailed off, leaving words unspoken. Her eyes didn’t shift away from his face. 

“I know who you are _now_ ,” he said, “even if you don’t want me to.”

She smiled again, that smile that said she really didn’t believe him but she thought it was a nice effort.

“I don’t think anyone knows who I am,” she said. “Not even me.”

“Okay,” he said. “Then tell me something real. Something important.”

She cocked her head to the side, studying him. She reached up with her free hand and traced her finger down his chest. He thought maybe she was looking for something, but he wasn’t sure.

It was a long time before she answered. He almost would have thought she wasn’t going to, except he could see in her eyes that she wanted to believe him, that she wanted to believe someone could actually know the real her.

“Something real?” she finally said. Steve nodded. “Okay. How’s this? Fury was the only person I’ve really trusted in two years and he doesn’t trust me back.”

“That’s not true,” Steve said automatically, but she was shaking her head.

“Yes, it is,” she said. “He came to _your_ apartment. He gave _you_ the drive. He told _Maria_ of the plan. He trusts me to do what he tells me to do, but he doesn’t trust _me_.” 

She stopped. Steve watched her blink a few times. Her hand underneath his tensed, and he squeezed it again. She was being careful about what she revealed, but he could see the truth written all over her face. 

“I’m sorry,” he said to her, and he meant it. He wasn’t really sure what it would be like to live a life knowing no one else ever trusted you back, even if you had done a lot of things to deserve that wariness.

She shrugged, her default reaction, and pulled her hand away, retreating back into herself. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, and all hint of emotion was gone from her voice.

“Yes, it does,” Steve answered quickly. “If it matters to you, then it matters.”

Another shrug. “Fury does what he thinks is best. If I’m not what he thinks is best …”

“Natasha.”

She started to stand. “I should go. It’s getting late.”

He reached out, grabbed her wrists, tugging her back down. Then his hands moved to her shoulders, holding her in place. He waited until she was looking him in the eyes.

He wanted to tell her so many things — tell her he was sorry, tell her he understood, tell her Fury was sometimes an idiot — but he knew none of that would make her feel any better. So instead he spoke another truth, one he hoped she believed.

“I trust you.”

She didn’t react. She just stared at him. He let go of her shoulder with his right hand and traced his fingers down her cheek. A strand of hair was covering her eyes, and he pushed it behind her ear. His fingers curled around her neck, his other hand still on her shoulder. She felt so warm under his touch. So real.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. So gently he barely touched her, but enough for her to feel his breath. Then he pulled back.

“If I were going to fake my death,” he said, “you are the first person I’d tell.”

She smiled. A real smile, breaking across her face. 

“You’re definitely in the wrong business, Rogers.”

“Maybe I am. I guess it’s a good thing we’re getting out of it.”

He let go of her then, making a decision. If she could be real with him, it was time for him to be real with her, too. 

He stood up and held out a hand. “But you’re right. _We_ should go to bed. It is getting late.”

She hesitated. He knew she knew what he was implying.

“I’m not sure how comfortable those cots are for more than one person,” she finally said.

“We’re two very resourceful people,” Steve answered. “I think we can figure it out.”

She nodded, pursed her lips just a little. “Are you sure about this?”

“Can I tell you something real?”

“Of course. I think you owe me that.”

“The real reason I don’t want to go on all those dates you keep trying to set me up on? There’s already this other girl I’m interested in.”

“Rogers …”

“Natasha.”

“You know I don’t do love,” she said. “Or relationships.”

“I’m not asking you to marry me, Romanoff,” he told her. “I’m just asking you to take my hand.”

She frowned — he could see her weighing the decision in her mind — but then her face relaxed and she reached out and placed her hand, tentatively, in his.

“Okay,” she whispered, “I’m trusting you.”

“I know,” he said. “And I won’t hurt you.”

He pulled her to her feet, wrapping an arm around her, and began to lead her down the hall. He knew tomorrow everything would be different. They would take down Hydra and he might have to take down Bucky. Or go after him. And Natasha would do what she needed to do. He knew there was a very good chance that meant she would disappear.

But for right now, they had tonight, and that was enough. 

All he needed was a start.


End file.
